Horse-Bit

We baptized Brad (name changed) on Sunday. Today, I am mad as hell about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted as heaven that Brad decided to ask Jesus into his life and be baptized. It was a wonderful privilege to be asked to do the honors. I’m angry because Brad has been coming to Wednesday night Bible study with our group, Friday night Celebrate Recovery meetings, and Sunday morning services at our church for about six weeks and only had seven or eight days clean and sober when Satan pounced.

If you will remember my last blog I told you about Steve who we had tried to help out by getting him to a good transitional house where he could get a great head start for re-entering society after a three year prison sentence. The title of that blog, “You Can Lead a Horse to Water, but…,” referred to him, as does this one, titled, “Horse-Bit.” In case you don’t remember the outcome let me refresh your memory. Steve murmured and complained about the house while the whole time he was using drugs and alcohol instead of working the program, and as soon as he gave up on his self and the program he was arrested and on his way to jail within hours because he was digging through someone’s trash and they called the police.

Steve got out of the county jail with time served on Monday, the day after we baptized Brad. The only problem with that is Steve still hasn’t learned his lesson. I asked Steve not to go over to Brad’s house and drag him down from his new commitment to Christ. Steve’s grandmother, who he lives off of because he refuses to do anything with his own life, lives two houses down from Brad. So true to form Steve goes ahead and visits Brad a few days later with another friend against my request. And also, true to form he takes beer and marijuana with him. Of course, it is Friday morning by now and our recovery meeting is about eight hours away.

Needless to say, Brad did not show up for the meeting because he was too ashamed to face us having relapsed. Now, that’s okay because we didn’t expect Brad to go very long before a relapse could happen. The fact is just because someone gives their life to Jesus and enters into the family of God does not mean their hurts, habits, and hang-ups just magically disappear. Twelve or thirteen years of living in the flesh is a lot of mountain to climb over and get past for a baby Christian. So my beef is not with Brad, it’s with Steve. My thinking goes something like this, “Steve, if you’re not going to give a rip about your own addiction, at least have the decency to not be an instrument of Satan to bring others down with you.”

Well, that only sounds natural. Isn’t that, pretty much, what you would think? I’m sure it’s close. However, I have to remember my anger is only the signal light for something being wrong. My anger is telling me that somehow my will has been blocked, what I wanted to happen has not happened. Let me tell you that’s a miserable way to try to go through life. First off, I had to realize that I’m not mad at Steve so much as, I am mad because I can’t control Steve. Secondly, as long as I have been in recovery, I should know “I am powerless over the actions of others” (Recovery 101). So what this means is actually I’m mad because I’m not God. Now realize that is a big breakthrough for me because I can now turn it over to He who is God, and release myself from the prison of bitterness and unforgiveness which is exactly what I’m still trying to do. It is not easy. But, at least, I’m on the right path.

I knew I was in trouble when I caught myself at 4:00 a.m. this morning having a heated, ungodly, conversation in my head with Steve, while I wasn’t even awake. Has that ever happened to you? It was so real I had to get up and go sit on the porch to talk with the Lord. Through the sleep in my eyes, I looked up into heaven and cried, “Oh Lord, I’m so mad at Steve. I should have realized it sooner and already had this conversation with You. Please forgive me for letting the sun go down on my wrath. I know better than to go to bed angry, and now here I sit with this awful bitterness in my spirit. I am no better than Steve, I forgive Steve, I release all malice, anger, and evil speaking toward Steve to You, and ask You to take this feeling from me.” Well, guess what? The Lord did take it from me. The relief was almost immediate and I went back to bed and slept quite well. This is one of those times when I have to hang-on to Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." I have to let God be God, and trust that He won't let Brad go, and no one can snatch him out of His hand.

I guess what I want to convey to you through this message today is “Don’t stop trying, don’t stop reaching out with love, don’t let setbacks back you up just because you’ve been horse-bit.” And always remember if it’s too easy then it’s probably not real ministry. I will go and see Brad today and let him know we love him, and no matter how many times he falls we will be there to help him up and dust him off. And if I see Steve, well, I have no choice but to tell him the same. God help me.

Be blessed everyone!